I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
