i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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