i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
