i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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