Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
