I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
