your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
