when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
do herpes really smell.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize