my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
