when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
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There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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