oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
