I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
