No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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