So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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