I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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