put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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