They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
pop tarts are not kleenex
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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