Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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