No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
