I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
