I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
