Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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