He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
