You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
