I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Help. Why am I so naked?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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