I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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