I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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