just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
