new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
