You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
