I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
