You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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