Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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