You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
