I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
