It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
