He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
