you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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