I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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