before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize