Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
