My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
