How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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