So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
