Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
