i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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