So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
