Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
