Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
