So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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