After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
