like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
