Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize