The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
