She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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