Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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