I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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