I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
