Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
