I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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