my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
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do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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