His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
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Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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