Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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