when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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