Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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