the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
