So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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