I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There's always time for handjobs
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Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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