sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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