I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
