why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
