we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
