Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
